to: my birth mother

hi,it's difficult to know exactly how to start a letter like this. should i simply start by expressing my gratitude? should i talk about my accomplishments? should i start by asking if you love music as much as i do? do i jump into how lucky i feel like i am, or that i love coffee, or that i like to be quiet in the morning, or that up until this "adult" part of my life i hadn't really thought about you much (and considered that an accomplishment, "the sign of a good, well-adjusted adopted korean" or so i thought), but only now that my husband and i are considering children of our own have the questions about you come rushing to the surface. all of these foreign thoughts creep into my head and create this sort of cloud that make it hard for me to funnel my feelings into clear phrases......so i start this letter with "hi."first, you need to know that i have been well looked after, encouraged, supported, nurtured and above all; loved. i am one of the lucky ones who was fortunate enough to land in a family that not only saw me as one of their own, but never ever treated me otherwise. even during the times when i felt like i was a stray puzzle piece that didn't exactly fit into the picture, they all, and i mean ALL showed me in different ways that i was not only a part of the picture, but that i wasn't a puzzle piece at all. to my family, we aren't a puzzle, we are a tapestry....intricately woven with varying threads of vibrant colors, all interlaced with each other to create a brilliant work of art. i didn't need to "fit in" because i was already a part of their fabric. we are a family. we are loud and brash and sometimes even abrasive, but we are also gentle and kind and sensitive. we laugh a lot, we eat a lot, we play games and give "real hugs" and we love each other like crazy.second, you need to know that my parents are the best there are. they provided me with every opportunity one could possibly ask for. i was taught the value of a life and how it shouldn't be wasted. i was taught hard work and perseverance. i was taught to pay attention and to notice those less fortunate than me and to always help when i can. i was taught to be a person of character and integrity and to stand by my convictions and my values. i was taught that more than any other value in this world, love is the most important. i was also taught that it is ok to screw up.....and i did......a lot, each time learning a valuable lesson and receiving no less support than i had before any of my blunders. i have been shown the world, taken on airplanes, taught table manners, felt the thrill of the theater and given life experiences that have been irreplaceable.....all because of them......and because of you.third and finally, you need to know that i am happy. i'm a wife, a mom to two puppies, a working professional, a gigging performer and an adventurer. i am safe and i am loved. as i said above, my husband and i have recently been talking about children of our own, which is part of what is prompting this letter. it's taken me a long time to feel ready to be someones mother. now, when i think about being a mom, feelings seem to pour from my heart that i can't properly put into words. they're feelings of hope, fear, marvel and excitement that sometimes make my heart actually ache. the idea of making a whole new person, that is half me and half chris, fills me with awe and wonder and i can't help but be curious about what they will look like. will they be musical? will they love to explore? will they be quiet and cerebral like chris or a little louder and expressive like me? these feelings make it difficult for me not to think of you and mourn a little for you and what you missed. while i cannot actually know, i feel that there must be some part of you that quietly mourns me too.in my short time on earth, i have learned that the world is a constantly changing place. the rules can change daily.... i can change daily. in a time and place such as this, there are few things that i can say that i know for certain.but i do know this.for what ever reason, what ever the circumstances and however you may feel about it today.....please know that i know, with absolute certainty, in my mind and in my heart and in my soul, that the choice you made 31 years ago was the best choice........the courageous choice........the only choice that could have been right for us.i know this to be true....and i cannot thank you enough.