to: my baby

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wow! i mean holy cats!today i found out that you exist and suddenly my whole world is blown. i'm trying to concentrate on simple tasks and go about my day but it is just so hard because i can't think about anything but you. my heart feels like it might explode, shooting out rainbows of pure happiness! it took me a pretty long time to be ready for you, but once i knew i wanted you, i just wanted you to come as soon as you could. now, after all of that waiting and hoping, i can hardly believe that you are really coming. right now the only two people on this planet that know about you are you and me. our very first little secret.... i will tell your daddy soon, but for now i sort of just want this quiet moment to share with just us. i hope that's ok.i won't be able to keep this to myself for long, because as you'll find out someday, i'm not so good at keeping secrets about the good stuff. daddy and i seem to get so excited that we just can't contain ourselves, so we always end up opening the presents before christmas or telling the surprise before the party. so i will tell him soon. today is february 10th, 2014, so i think you will be my valentines day surprise for him....that is, if i can keep you secret that long.now that i know you are coming, all of these thoughts are flooding my mind. thoughts that i didn't feel like i had the right to explore until now. plans and hopes and dreams for you. things that only you and i will share. things that i'll only know about you because i'm your mom....wow....i'm going to be a mom...all i know is that i can't wait to learn all about you, who you are, what you'll like, what kind of dreams you'll have, what will drive you bananas. but first i want to make a few promises to you. i don't know how this motherhood thing works yet, but i feel like i can make some pledges that i will follow through with as we both learn how to do this from each other.

  1. i will always love your daddy, no matter what, he helped me make you and we are pretty great together
  2. i will always love you, no matter what you do or don't do or who you become or what you like or don't like. i will always love you. always.
  3. i will take you on adventures. sometimes they might be big, sometimes they might be small, but the world is an amazing place and i can't wait to explore it with you.
  4. i will introduce you to music. duh! i hope you love it as much as your daddy and i do (if not, that's ok too, i'm sure there are plenty of families looking for a perfectly good unmusical baby. j/k), it is a big part of our lives and we can't wait to share it with you.
  5. i will surround you with people who love you and inspire you and make you feel safe. we have a big family of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and amazing friends who will help us show you the world. they will be so excited to meet you!
  6. i will hug and kiss you. everyday. they will be the real kind of hugs and kisses that let you know how precious you are to me. when you're older, they might be embarrassing. i'm sorry, you'll have to deal with this.
  7. i will create a home for you filled with laughter and happy memories and the good smells of home cooked food. my mom and dad, your nana and papa, did this for me and i will do it for you.
  8. i will encourage you to be your own person, to find out who you are, be courageous, take risks, try new things, meet new people and discover your place in this world.
  9. i will screw up. probably a lot. you'll be learning to be a kid, i'll be learning to be a parent. but i promise that i will always try to be fair and make decisions for you out of love.
  10. i will give you the best life that i can. i don't know what tomorrow will bring, but i promise that i will give you the very best that i can offer, i will teach you everything i know and i will encourage and help you to be everything that you want to be.

i absolutely cannot wait to meet you!love you to the moon!- mommy

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to: my birth mother