to: the women - dorie

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” - Anais Ninyou have always been a force to be reckoned with.i used to love hearing the stories about how you were growing up.  being the oldest child of a working class family with 4 other kids, you were never a stranger to hard work.  you knew the meaning of the word responsibility at an early age, often filling in as "parent" for your younger siblings.  you learned early how to cook, clean and manage your younger sisters and brother, always being the first to "give em' hell" if they were out of line, as well as the first to step in between them and a threat from a neighborhood bully or a threat at home.  you were forced to grow up a little too early, having to make adult decisions even at the age of 12.  you could have easily buckled under that pressure but you didn't.  i see so many adults who deal with crippling mental health challenges brought to them in part by the way they were raised. but not you.  you took your childhood experiences and turned them into that fire that lives inside of you which sets you apart from anyone else and has always made you luminous to me.there are so many memories that swirl around my head when i think of you....memories of halloween costumes, school plays, christmas cookies and chicken noodle soup. memories of airplanes, packed lunch notes, make up tips and love advice.  early in the morning i still sometimes think of what you looked like when you were getting ready for work at norwest bank.  you would rat your hair and put on pantyhose and spray on that awful "red door" perfume.....but i always thought you looked beautiful.you taught me to fight big and we have had some big ones haven't we?  but you taught me to love big too... how could a woman fight big if she didn't know how to love big too?  you had to fight big.  i know how much you fought for us, an adopted asian girl and an adopted special needs black boy in a small, lily-white, minnesota town.  you wanted our voices to be heard.  you wanted opportunities for your kids.  for years you fought for us.....you still do.  you have always been fearless.you taught me how to look at the world with endless possibility, to welcome new opportunities, and to seek out people who are kind and open. i have always been amazed by your circle of friends. how large and wonderful and diverse it is. how many "sisters" you have, all over the place. thinking of you and of them reminds me of warm, happy memories of ladies groups and card clubs, of "the group", of neighborhood coalitions and the "stitch and bitch", of appetizers and long nails to tickle my back for hours, of blankets and rocking chairs. i think of m&m's in glass dishes and big hair and laughter. there was always so much laughter. i grew up in a world full of aunties and "other mothers". thank you for that.you didn't bring me into this world, but you gave me life. you never let me believe that i was a second choice, even though i sometimes wondered if you ever felt sad about not carrying a child of your own.  but you carried me, as you have carried so many others, reminding us that we are special, that we are important and that we are irreplaceable. you have always had a way of making every holiday, every occasion and every moment magical.to me you will always be magical, you will always be special, you will always be irreplaceable.you have always been a force to be reckoned with.my brave, beautiful mom.