It's Not About The Destination
Since I posted, Minimalism and moving again., I've had many of my closest, longtime friends and family members reach out to me. I have to be totally transparent when I say that putting that post out into the world made me feel nervous and vulnerable for so many reasons. I worried that people would judge me. I worried that people would think that I was judging them. I worried that I really sounded crazy and idealistic and entitled (this still might be true). It felt really scary to admit that I often feel like I'm failing at so many things. And in many ways, feel like I am drowning in a vast sea, consisting entirely of choices I have made and beliefs (so many false) that I have about myself and my abilities. All the while, I'm frantically trying to pull myself up for air so that I can just keep swimming to the next destination – whatever that is. All of these admissions were terrifying to say aloud for fear that someone might think less of me. Instead, what I was greeted with, almost exclusively, were sentiments of understanding and solidarity. And along with that I got to hear so many of your stories. How you are approaching this "business of adulting." How you are overcoming beliefs and breaking boundaries for yourselves and your families. How you are choosing by your thoughts and actions to live more deliberate, more intentional and ultimately more fulfilling lives. I was blown away by some of the stories I heard and by some of your admissions of also feeling lost or duped by this false idea of what being an adult is "supposed to" look and feel like. I am so grateful and so inspired by you. And so motivated to keep going. Indeed, more proof that when we choose to move past the fear that holds us back from taking risks and being vulnerable, we are able to be our truest selves and it is So. Much. Better.This week I turned 35. (Woof. Somehow that number sounds and feels enormous as it rolls out of my mouth.) And it's not a huge, "milestone" birthday by any means, but even so, I have been spending a lot of time in self reflection mode. With social media being such a regular part of our everyday lives now, I always feel a little surprised at the messages I receive of well wishes on my birthday. I'm continually grateful and humbled to receive sweet sentiments of love and birthday cheer from those closest to me. My life would be meaningless without these people. They are my champions and my role models. I'm unfailingly amazed at how a simple, one-sentence greeting can make me feel so special and seen and loved. But, I'm also extremely grateful and surprised at the messages I receive from folks that I don't see or speak to often or maybe are new in my life. This year, one particular message that I received from a new friend really stood out. This person is someone with whom my life only just recently intersected. And, as I am feeling more focused on living with more gratitude and purpose and intention, he is a person who I feel extremely fortunate to have crossed paths with and who I find incredibly inspiring, particularly in these three areas.This is what his message said:
Hi Jess. Happy Birthday. What a life you are smack dab in the middle of
. In your writing I feel a theme that you are looking, or searching for the right path, the most "logical" move, pleasing the most people or societal norms or something like that, all the while making moves that don't necessarily follow that direction at all... that really speaks to me. You are an artist, this is your life. I turned 42 this April and have been reflecting a lot about my life. With all of the crazy amazing things I have been given, and all that is happening all around, I feel like I too continue to search even after realizing an important personal truth, that the "search" IS IT. I mean, it is all about the search, the path... there is actually, really no "end" or actual destination in any practical sense. (Practical, no such thing.) Just "now"... and your "now" is so beautiful!! I feel like there is no wrong move just wrong intention, so please keep blessing everyone around you by moving as much as possible!!!! HA! PEACE!
Like, WHOA. Amiright?Man-o-man, I cannot even express how grateful I am to get a message like this. Thank you, thank you, thank you to my friend. I am so thankful that our paths have crossed.Now, even though I would describe myself as a "Type A" individual, who loves a good plan and likes to have an eye on the destination/endgame while fully understanding all of my options, I'm also a bit spiritual and tend to believe that perfect things do happen at the perfect time for the perfect reason. And right now, I am embracing (or consciously trying to embrace) that my life is on the cusp of something. That I am in the process of emerging. What does that effing mean? I'm not totally sure, to be perfectly honest. But, for the first time in forever (I mentioned that I live in Frozen world right now thanks to my 2 year old right?) I feel clear about one thing: It is ALL about the path, not the destination. And for some reason, my inner Type-A Goddess (let's just call her Hillary) is GOOD with this. And if Hillary can let go of this constant, overarching tendency to over analyze and over plan (only to be blindsided by unforeseen outcomes), then the rest of me can let go and be present to experience all that is so good and so right about today. So, to hear some of these thoughts, so thoughtfully and eloquently put into words by a new friend, in a message crafted for me, on my birthday, was like a freakin blinking beacon, blazing on and off at full power, screaming, "YAAASSSSS! Follow this feeling. Follow these signs. You are on the right path.And this path is SO GOOD."