I Am Chris Larson

When Jess first suggested the idea of me starting to blog I was equally excited and terrified. Excited mostly because I've always liked to write. I'd even go so far as to say that writing has been somewhat of a dream job for me, whether that be poetry, songs, stories, or nonfiction. My creative side has always connected with writing. As a kid, and throughout difficult times in my upbringing, journaling has often been a place of solace for me to work out my sometimes overwhelming thoughts and feelings. A sort of therapy. I guess that's probably also what is terrifying about the idea of sharing my inner thoughts with the world. Because if I'm going to do this, I want to be authentic. I want to be honest. In the hopes that maybe other people out there are thinking and feeling some of the same things I do. And maybe if I put myself out there, we won't all feel so alone.In some of her previous posts, Jess has talked about some of the journey that we've been on, over the last several years, which has lead us down the path of searching for some other lifestyle. Something that, to most, might seem a bit unconventional or even strange. But more and more, we are finding out that there are a lot of people like us, who feel similar. They too want to be able to live more, work less, feel happier, travel often, connect with other likeminded people, and have a more meaningful existence during this life. I think I have felt like this my whole life. Always, this constant butting up against something. I used to think it was just the universe against me, that I was doomed to hit roadblocks no matter what I did (I still feel that way sometimes). But, unlike some of those times in my not so distant past, I do look around more often and realize that some of those circumstances have lead me to this. To the richness that I feel today (or on my good days) and to the hopefulness that I feel for the future. And I am deeply grateful.So, who am I? I'm Chris Larson. Husband. Father. Musician. Dog dad. Extremely sensitive. Empath. Suburban raised, middle child of a union construction worker/guitar player dad and a free spirited mother who was in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I've overcome alcohol addiction (and continue to overcome it everyday) and lived to tell the tale – 8 years alcohol-free this July. I love my wife and my son with all my heart and I love my life....most of the time. To be honest, I'm constantly and consciously making an effort to love my life and like myself more (and yes, as anyone who struggles with depression knows, it is a daily effort). I want to find more freedom and truly experience a happiness from within. To find inner peace with everything, including myself and the world. I'm on a mission to bring more balance to my life. To live this life that no one has ever taught me how to live. But, in order to summit the mountain, you have to trudge through some pretty rough terrain first. So, I'm trudging through it, one day...hour...sometimes minute at a time. Some days are good. Some days are bad. But they're all worth it as long as, at the end of the day, I can say, "Today, I wasn't just here, I was present," "Today, I lived my life, it didn't live me." Don't get me wrong, I can't always say that. But, today at least, I'm trying.